miss this.

im going to start blogging again. who cares if anyone is following or not. like i said this is where i record my journey of life. looking back at previous post, happy or sad it makes me remember what happened and what i really felt and how i appreciate or shoud act now. in a subtle way this will probably teach me to enable a future thats designed to be rather than one thats repeated.

fragile. handle with care.

its true what my mom said.
when the time comes, and someone very important to you other than you family tells you something you rather not hear, its gonna really hit you hard. just simply because you have been with your family for your whole life. so whatever they say is merely like a broken record on repeat. and of cause because this other person out of nowhere is just so relevant in your everyday life that whatever they say matters coz u dont wanna make them feel bad? or its just coz u somehow have a high percentage of wanting to be accepted more? i dont know. just go with the flow alright?
and so, when certain things are said it just hits real bad. like you dont know how to react. i mean if its family, you'll probably say "i know laaaa" or "what nowww" or "can you all just stop it uh?" or the best thing is to shrug and walk away from the excruciating scene of truth and denial.

but why are we engineered this way? we turn so fragile around certain people even when we are those people who can take a bullet without any expressions. suddenly, from not taking things seriously, everything becomes extra important. not to forget that it hurts more. its so weird. looks like its really about time i do something coz whatever said although said with so much good oozing in it, it still made me feel horrible for not trying hard enough. im such a slacker. i dont wanna continue feeling like this
i wanna be different. and looks like i have another reason to be different. a very important reason. a reason filled with hopes.
loving every moment.


♥

a reason for a reason.

after considering if this blog should exist, i came up with my final conclusion. it should just be here and move with time. just so i can see what really happened in the past. simply because i know i come here to weirdly turn and twist when i write what i really feel at that time or whatever i found interesting at that time. and im pretty sure whenever i go thru my old posts i can either laugh at myself for being so foolish or pat my back for thinking properly. this is just a little proof of who i was and how i was in a certain situation life had to give me with time. and not to mention that im gonna burden anyone with my sometimes very weird tots. it may not be the awesomest blog in town for other people. but its gonna act as a little reminder for me =).

so random.

♥

melts

no matter how terrible it feels,
somethings said by people that matter can just melt all those unwanted worries away.
the imy call was all i needed.

♥

peace

thanks for making things seem like infinity. just when i tot things will be okay, its back to freaking square one.
i understand.
deep inside i feel like its gonna be a problem understanding too much.
at the same time, its just too easy to not be angry at the end of the day.
idontknow.
im new to this genuine stuff.
i dont know how things should be or not be.
all i know is that im ready.
i guess somethings are built to make us a certain way.
yet again, they also say alot of things are not build to last. oh wait, with this tot, it just means one thing, miss i-think-too-much is here.
whatever this is,
im liking it in a weird way.
and i really hope its not in a wrong way.
all i know its when theres just you and me it feels like theres no one else around. just us in our own little world without a mask or a sheild.

gahhh.
if this is how its supposed to be, it will be.
when the time comes, everything will be crystal clear then ill know its all worth it. atleast i hope it will be.
i really need peace for everything right now!
imy.

♥

help me shut my senses.

when everything perfect goes wrong the one and only person you know you can count on is god.
no matter what, we human will only make things worse somehow. the miscommunication, the over working brain, the insecurities. i wanna shut my senses to stop this hurt.
so,
lord please help me make the perfect, perfect again. i know, perfection is over rated but whatever i had is perfect enough for me. the little little complains is just coz im human. when u think back, i should not even utter a word of dislike coz for once i actually felt contented. i know im a very contradicting person but right now i cant handle this opposite side. please tell me its just me again and everything will be fine?

♥

finally. like really finally!

today i just feel like writting about how awesome and greatfull, blessed and happy and of cause "delightful" i feel. i know, its like some normal post where ull see on other peoples blog whinning about themselves without a moral of the story. i rarely do that so give me a chance to be full of myself today okay all ye kind souls out there =D

finally, all those ACCA people got their exams results. if u ask me ever since i started this, this will always be the day that ill wanna freak out and die!
but but but,
god who has always been uber kind to me decided to give me a HUGE boost in my confidence level today. thank god everything turned out fine. i mean the results. even if it wasn perfect atleast the majority brought me good news. now thinking back, i think god really did have a plan for me. he probably wanted me to drill tax and costing right into my head that he made me repeat those 2 papers. if not coz of that, trust me, ill be just walking pass ACCA without having much understanding and probably turn out to be a very dumb accountant
. love u la jesus. =p
im really happy that i can finally move on. and im much closer to being able to be who i wanna be. im happy that atleast now i know im not letting my parents down. even when they are always encouraging me even when im being really shitty without making me actually feel shitty i know they would have felt terrible. now, im very sure they must feel awesome too. if not for them, saarah mariee will remain shitty. what can i say, im blessed with really good people around me. my parents, my siblings my 3, 4 relatives.. hehe and my friends.
now its up to me to work hard and get to my degree without losing this mojo ive just gained. lets all pray for each others well being okay?
=D

PEACE.

♥